Death Eater Christmas
by SaintRidley
Summary: So there was this Christmas party for the Death Eaters, and there was an unfortunate incident involving too much alcohol, a Time Turner, and Bellatrix's knickers... Bah. Just read it to find out. I don't own the characters. Harsh language and idiocy.


**A/N - Okay. First thing's first - these are drinking games and they take a long time to play**, **and consequently a long time to write. Specifically, I played the cards out in order to determine the results, and wrote the entirety of each game.** **Secondly, I did not feel like writing in Drunk. So just imagine them getting less and less coherent as time goes on. I am too lazy and anal retentive to write drunk characters speaking Drunk, because it grates on me to try.** ** So, yeah. **

_Death Eater Christmas_

"No! Headmaster, I absolutely refuse! There's no chance of it. I'm got in this to protect Lily, nothing more and nothing less. You cannot force me to do _this_, though. It's unthinkable, unconscionable, and detestable. He's a _maniac_, sir, and I will not be a part of _that_!"

"They will expect you, Severus," Albus said, looking over his half-moon glasses at the young man who was pacing the Headmaster's office, wand out and curses flying in every direction. He had already destroyed many of the trinkets that decorated the office. "Continue destroying my office, by all means. But know that you will go, Severus. You cannot abstain – you have been invited."

"But a Christmas party? Honestly?" Snape pleaded, looking dolefully at the old man who was condemning him to what could possibly be the worst night of his life. "I don't mix well with people at parties. I'm too serious, old man, and I cannot, will not, attend a Christmas party for Death Eaters."

"You will go. I daresay you will even find the time somewhat enjoyable," Albus replied, his eyes twinkling, as Snape slumped into a seat, defeated. "Come now, what's the worst that could happen?"

"I don't even want to consider that. You've never seen Lucius when he's pissed – the man does not discern between man, woman, and lampshade. I'm even more frightened of Pettigrew... And don't get me started on the Dark Lord's idea of a festive atmosphere. We may well have a tree topped with a Muggle," Snape shuddered, closing his eyes tightly as if to ward off such an image.

"No such thing will happen; I am sure of it, Severus. Nothing undue will happen."

* * *

That was the conversation Severus had had the night before the party – the night before his whole life changed. That party... he shuddered to think about it at all as he entered Hogwarts and made his way toward the stone gargoyle guarding the Headmaster's office. "Edible Dark Mark," he said irritably, causing the gargoyle to jump aside, admitting him entry.

Each step he took on those stairs echoed in his head, causing him to wince slightly due to the massive hangover he was suffering, a hangover that felt like it had been going for over a century. Strangely, there was nothing about the party that he was unclear about – he knew exactly what had happened and what he had done. Severus sighed as he knocked on the Headmaster's door – he really, truly wished he could forget everything.

* * *

He had entered Malfoy Manor, much like he had uncountable times in the past. There was something different, though. He felt a spring in his step, a renewed energy. He stopped at the mirror near the door, and his jaw nearly fell off in his astonishment. He was a young man again, only sixteen or seventeen years old. His goatee was gone, and his eyes weren't as black and expressionless as he had become used to.

"Severus, my friend, you look excellent!" Lucius shouted from down the hall. He looked much as he had when Severus had been Sorted – tall and stately, with a sort of regal bearing about him. Hanging off his arm was Narcissa. She was a vision of beauty with her blonde curls cascading down around her shoulders.

"Sev, have you figured out what he's done? He's put a Font of Youth spell on our manor for the night. We're all teenagers again, and the party's structured like one we would have at Hogwarts! The Dark Lord is brilliant," she said, sweeping an arm out to gesture toward the whole room.

Pettigrew looked as he did when young, with the exception of his silver hand. Bellatrix stood off in the corner, ignoring her husband. Her black hair wove about her shoulders, her beauty restored from the wreckage Azkaban had wrought upon her. There was Dolohov, Macnair, Avery. The Carrows looked almost the same; generations of Pureblood inbreeding could not be undone by a simple spell. There were others, as well. And then there was a young man who looked wholly unfamiliar to Severus.

He had black hair and brown eyes with faint flecks of red in them. His smile was trained, something borne out of a need to hide his true emotions. He was taller than Severus, with flawless skin and more manageable hair. Severus could not place this young man, could not recognise him. No one could, it seemed, with the possible exception of Bellatrix. She looked at him with a hunger in her eyes that nearly matched, in Severus' mind, the desire she held for the Dark Lord himself.

The young man that no one knew strode to the centre of the expanded sitting room with an authority about him that made everybody shy away. He was confident among these Death Eaters who did not know him, and it showed on his face. Everybody stopped what they were doing when he spoke.

"I hope that you all enjoy your newfound youth, and that the festivities this eve are to your liking. My hope is that tonight shall be the revelry we all truly deserve," he said, sounding familiar. His voice held similar qualities to the Dark Lord's, and his penchant for the grandiose was fast becoming evident. "We have a great many of our friends joining us tonight, freshly freed from Azkaban by my work this morning. The Ministry will not see fit to report this straight off, and will undoubtedly try to cover it up for as long as possible while trying to come up with an excuse. My followers, this night is a celebration of our accomplishments!"

It struck them all at once as he thrust his goblet into the air. The young man before them was the Dark Lord, given back to his youthful body. Everyone immediately fell to their knees, realising this, and then they rose again. The tables set about them each had a central placard, detailing some names and then a sort of party game. Severus cringed as Lucius swelled with anticipation. They were going to party like teenagers, and nothing could be less comfortable for Severus.

Severus sat, sandwiched between Narcissa and Bellatrix, at the table that had their names on it. Lucius sat next to his wife, leaving one spot open at the circular table. The Dark Lord sat there, his eyes filled with some strange excitement about this.

"What will we be playing at this table, Master," Bellatrix practically purred. There was no doubt about it in Severus' mind – she was _highly_ interested in the Dark Lord no matter his appearance.

"We'll be playing a variation on a card game called Kings," he replied, flicking his wand. A deck of cards appeared in his hand, and every goblet at the table filled with wine. "Our game will be with wine. The game for the next group will be with the last Drink Master's choice of liquor. Shall I get on with explaining the rules?

"All the cards will be spread out face down on the floor. We shall throw dice to determine who starts, and we shall go clockwise from there. Pick up a card, and show it. If the card is black and a number less than seven, dole out that number of drinks in any manner please. If it is red and less than seven, you must take as many drinks as indicated by the card. If a knave is drawn, men take one drink. If a queen is drawn, ladies drink. A seven marks you as the Drink Master, and at any time of your choosing, you may make anyone take a drink. That power remains with you until you are no longer Drink Master. An eight will make you Headmaster. At any time of your choosing, put on a pair of glasses," he conjured five pairs of glasses and set one in front of everybody, "and shout 'Headmaster!' Everyone must follow suit with their glasses, and the last to do so earns a drink. A nine is a rhyme card – say a word and we will go around the table rhyming it until someone fails. Loser drinks. A ten is categories – come up with a category, and we will go around the table saying things that fall into that category. He who fails earns a drink. A king allows you to establish a new rule for the game, and violations of that rule earn a drink. Lastly, an ace is a spell card. Cast a spell, and anyone who cannot duplicate it drinks. Are we clear?"

Everyone nodded – they weren't drunk yet, but this game promised to do it. After they rolled dice, it came up that Severus was to be first. He picked up a card – the Ace of hearts – and wordlessly cast _Sectumsempra_ on a nearby peacock. Only the Dark Lord could match the spell, and so the Malfoys and Bella drank. Bellatrix had her turn and drew a king, establishing the rule that she could kiss whosoever she pleased, and that doing so would earn the kissed a drink if the kiss was not returned. She then promptly kissed the Dark Lord on the cheek, and he sighed before taking his drink.

"Your stint in Azkaban seems to have left you less than desirable," Severus sneered at her as their master picked a new card. Bella could not form a response to this and simply glared daggers at him.

The Dark Lord pulled a knave, causing all the men to take a drink, and Lucius drew the first eight – making him Headmaster. Narcissa went next, but before anyone could see her card, Lucius had the glasses on and cried out "Headmaster!" Everyone followed suit, but Narcissa was slowest. So she drank as she laid down her seven, and she immediately told Lucius to take two drinks courtesy of the Drink Mistress.

"Well done, Cissy. You show him what happens when he messes with the Black sisters," Bellatrix cheered.

Severus drew a card and found himself the new Drink Master and Bellatrix drew the second ace. She put the Cruciatus Curse on a house elf, and no one managed to bungle that. The Dark Lord pulled out another knave. Lucius drew a black four, and proceeded to give Bellatrix and Narcissa two drinks each, as Severus gave Lucius a drink because he felt like it.

"Take one, Lucius. You really ought to keep up with the rest of us," he said.

"Bugger off with that," was the only reply.

Narcissa drew an eight. Severus drew a black five, giving one drink to each other person at the table and another to Bellatrix. Narcissa shouted "Headmaster!" and even as Severus put on the glasses just before the Dark Lord, he gave her another drink. The Dark Lord drank for that round, cursing the Headmaster under his breath, and Bellatrix drew a red four and took four drinks.

"Every bloody fucking time," she snarled in after each drink.

"Language," Severus chided idly.

"I'm not one of your filthy Mudblood students, you disgusting half-blood," she responded, aiming a kick under the table at his shin.

The Dark Lord drew a queen, and the sisters drank again. Lucius proceeded to give three drinks to his sister-in-law, and Narcissa established the new rule that Bella could not so much as look at the Dark Lord without earning a drink, even as her sister was leaning in to kiss him again. Severus took six drinks due to the red six he had just drawn, and decided to assign everyone else a drink. Bellatrix got another king, and decided that Lucius and Narcissa could not look at each other, either.

"Serves you right for that," she spat.

The Dark Lord's red three gave him three more drinks, and Lucius pulled the first nine. "Marble," he said brightly. Narcissa gave a bit of thought, and then reached for her glasses. Lucius ended up having to take a drink along with his wife at that point, because he was last to put them on and she never had a rhyme.

Severus now had a king, and he considered making himself perpetual Drink Master. Instead, though, he conjured a bottle with a die in it. "At any time of the Drink Master's choosing, he may spin the bottle. Whoever it points to takes as many drinks as are indicated by the die." He then spun it, and Narcissa had to take a drink.

"Unique, Severus," she said. "Really, bloody unique."

Bellatrix became Headmaster then, and the Dark Lord took another four drinks. Severus spun the bottle and earned himself five drinks while Lucius lined up another word for rhyming. "Steak" "Cake" "Fake" "Bake" "Sake" "Make" "Wake" "Stake – the kind you drive into the ground" "Shake" "Spake" "Bugger. I'll just take the drink. Shit, take rhymes! Bloody effing hell!" Lucius drank, and Narcissa took five herself. Severus pulled a knave, and all men drank. Bellatrix pulled a nine. "Pain" "Gain" "Wane" "Spain" "Twain" "Gawain" "Chain" "Rain" "Drain" "Grain" "Oh, fuck _you_, Snape." He snickered at that.

Bella drank, and Severus anointed her with another. The Dark Lord then assigned a drink to everybody. Lucius put two on his wife, and Severus remained Drink Master. He spun his bottle, giving the Dark Lord a drink. The sisters drank again, and the Dark Lord drew an ace. He immediately stood and flew over the rest of them, albeit a bit haphazardly. Only Severus seemed able to copy him, and the others drank. Women drank again, and again – the Malfoys drew two queens in a row.

"Damn it, Lu," Narcissa said. Evidently, the name Lucius was much too difficult for her at this point.

Five drinks to Severus, and then Bella drew a ten. She looked around, and an idea came to her. "Unforgiveable Curses. Master?" "_Avada Kedavra_" "Cruciatus Curse" "Imperius Curse." Severus was up now and had to drink. He gave Bellatrix one for good measure, though.

"Bitch whore," he sneered at her.

"Virgin," she replied. Severus had no reply, but the Dark Lord stunned them all by his next remark.

"He'll probably fix that tonight."

All men drank next, and Lucius chose for his category "Malfoy names." "Draco" "Abraxas" "Lucius" "Titus" "Livius" "Narcissa – crap, that's not a Malfoy name by birth." Narcissa drank and flipped her card, earning herself two more. Once again Severus drew the seven, and he realised that this was the last of them. Bella had another category. "Tales of Beedle the Bard." The Dark Lord just sighed and took his drink. Lucius then handed his wife two drinks and Narcissa drew the Headmaster card. Severus took two more drinks for himself, and spun his bottle. Bella now had six drinks, but she drew a black five and told Severus to take them all while she drank.

Bella then almost fell to where her Master was and kissed him – sloppily. The Dark Lord drank at that. "Members of my immediate family." Lucius drank. He then assigned three drinks each to the ladies, and Narcissa told him to take three as well. Severus took six and Bellatrix opened her mouth to form a word for rhyming. "Damn" "Lamb" "Cram" "Sham" "Ma'am." She drank. The Dark Lord gave a drink to everybody and an extra two to Severus. Lucius transfigured his glasses into a quill. Narcissa then put on hers and made the call, and everyone else rushed to do the same. Lucius drank, and everybody else turned their glasses into quills. They weren't very good quills, but they sufficed. The last card was left to Narcissa, and she had to take three drinks.

Some minutes later, after they'd all gotten their bearings again, they stood and looked blearily at each other. They were now quite thoroughly drunk from the wine, and there were still games left. They weren't totally out of it, but the sheer volume of wine was making it hard for them to concentrate well. Severus filled the goblets with scotch – his father's favourite drink. They then migrated to the next table.

* * *

"Albus," Severus said as he entered the room. "I have some very choice words for you."

* * *

"So what are we playing now, M-master?" Bella hiccoughed, eyeing the next table over. There was another deck of cards.

"I think it's strip poker. Maybe. I can't quite remember," he replied, slumping into one of the seats. A goblet appeared on a coaster on the table, filled to the brim with vodka. "I forgot about that."

"The card thinks it's Around the World, Master," Lucius smiled. Severus knew that look in Lucius' eyes, and it was the look of a man who could shag nearly anything that would hold still long enough. He lurched backwards a bit, toward a seat, away from Lucius.

"I see," Voldemort said. His eyes were a little crossed, but he was surprisingly coherent. They were all surprisingly coherent. No one was slurring, which amazed Severus. His father was one to be completely incoherent when he was pissed.

"I know how to play that," Bella commented, her voice heavy with the alcohol. "Who's the dealer?" Severus amended his previous observation. One of them was slurring their speech. Narcissa wasn't speaking anymore, so he couldn't tell about her.

"Severus, spin your wand," Lucius commanded. Two were slipping out of coherence. Severus spun his wand and it landed on Bellatrix. She would be dealer. She sat down next to Voldemort, and Narcissa sat between her and Severus. This left a rather determined looking Lucius next to Severus, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Okay. So, this is how we're playing," Bella said as she shuffled cards. "The round in the phase tells how many drinks you take for being stupid and guessing wrong." She proceeded to deal. "Cissy, red or black?"

"It's red," she said flipping a card and getting a black queen. "Damn," she said, taking a drink from the martini that had appeared when she sat down.

"Fuckwit, red or black?" she asked of Severus.

"Black, you wrinkled cunt," he replied. If she was going to play, he would play. An eight of diamonds caught him, and he drank of his firewhiskey. Bellatrix laughed.

"Lucy! Red or black, now!" she demanded. Lucius guessed black and got a lucky ace of clubs. He didn't have to partake of his scotch, but he did anyway.

"Master?" Bella tried to ask as sweetly as possible, but her inebriation was beginning to affect her noticeably. He guessed black. A three of hearts caused him to taste his vodka.

"And I say black!" She was right, and her margarita stayed where it was.

"Higher or lower, Cissy," she began, after dealing out cards for the second round.

"Lower." The four of hearts meant no drink.

"Lower," Snape said before Bella could even turn toward him. The queen of clubs graced his hand, and he had to take two drinks of his firewhiskey.

"Serves you right, not waiting."

"Sod off."

"Lucy, higher or lower?"

"Lower." A knave of diamonds came, and Lucius avoided drinking yet again.

"Master?"

"Higher, Bella. And adjust your dress," the Dark Lord said, turning over the ten of diamonds. Snape could see why he had commanded her to adjust her dress. Her knickers were visible. He quickly turned his head as Bellatrix guessed her card to be higher and was rewarded with the seven of hearts. She dealt again.

"Cissy, in or out?"

"In." The ace of spades foiled her, and she took three drinks from her martini before Bella moved to look at Snape.

"You greasy git. In or out?" Severus stared back at her blankly. The alcohol was just hitting him, and it was doing him no favours at all. He blinked several times before responding.

"Out." The seven of diamonds was just outside the range of his cards, and so he had no need to drink.

"Lucy. You."

"Stop calling me Lucy, you twat. Out." The Ace of diamonds crushed that by being the same, and three drinks of scotch were required before they could move on to their Master.

Voldemort held up his hand, though, when Bellatrix leaned forward to ask him in or out. "In. Stop breathing on me for a bit, Bella."

The knave of diamonds came up and he drank three times, mollifying Bella after having been so rudely refused. Bella picked out and was rewarded with the three of spades.

"Last part of stage one. Name the suit!"

Cissy guessed spades, but had to drink four times when the queen of diamonds appeared. Severus also guessed spades before Bella could ask, and the queen of hearts made him take four. Lucius guessed clubs, but got the five of hearts for four drinks. Voldemort guessed spades and got the eight of hearts and four drinks.

"You're all stupid. I've got a club here. I know it." The seven of diamonds showed up, giving her four drinks. When she finished, she held up the deck. "Now for stage two. Give pile is left. Right is take. Matches are one drink for the first flipped, two, three, then four."

She flipped the first card on the give pile. The two of hearts was unmatched, but the five of spades from the take pile meant that Lucius and Bella each took a drink.

"Shite, Bella. Quit givin' me fuckin' drinks," he said through his scotch.

"Don't go spare," Bella admonished. "You aren't even good enough for a blood traitor, let alone my sister."

The seven of clubs came up in the give pile, meaning Severus could give two drinks and Bella could give four, due to her pair. Severus, rather tactfully for his state, held back until she'd given two to Lucius and two to him. He then made her take two, herself.

"You seem to have a vendetta against each other," Voldemort mused, sipping his vodka even though he didn't need to.

"She's a horrible, barmy old slag," Snape said as soberly as possible. He didn't slur anything, but his words came out slowly and exaggeratedly.

"Impotent Muggle-lover," she hissed at him as she flipped the next card in the take pile. Voldemort had to take two drinks because the ten of clubs had shown up.

The nine of clubs showed up next in the give pile, but no one could match it. The same thing went for the two of diamonds in the take pile. Lucius and Voldemort, however, could each give four drinks now, as the knave of hearts came up last in the give pile. Two drinks from each went to that "horrible, barmy old slag", two went to the "impotent Muggle-lover" courtesy of Voldemort, and two went to Narcissa, as a gift from her husband. All three sat and drank before waiting for the final card to turn.

The king of clubs meant that no one had to drink, and with that the game was over. No one could speak quite correctly, and they were all swaying in their seats. Not long after they regained their bearings did they all find some shock in the surge of movement around the room. It was time to change games again. As one, they walked over to their new table.

* * *

"You know, Albus," Severus said exasperatedly, "All things considered, that Christmas party wasn't that bad an idea. Bellatrix was insufferable though."

* * *

"Truth or dare," Lucius said, once they had all sat down. Everyone turned toward him, trying to figure out what he had just said. His speech was becoming pretty mangled, and their sensibilities weren't quite up to scratch.

Bella immediately bit on the name of the game and said "Dare."

"Find someone to give you their belt, and then whip them with it," Lucius forced out after a long pause for thought.

Bella's eyes lit up as she looked around the room, her eyes finally landing on Wormtail. She stood, lurching forward slightly, and staggered over to him with a single-minded purpose. The rest of the group watched in amazed fascination as she wheedled and cajoled him into giving up his belt. They then recoiled in horror as she took the end and brought it back, then whipped it forward so that the buckle collided with Wormtail's face. She wasn't done yet. Three more times she slashed his face with that buckle, before returning the belt. She then returned to her seat and sat down, fixing Snape with a glare of astounding sobriety.

"Truth or dare, filth," she said slowly and coolly, avoiding incoherence.

"Truth, wench," he replied.

"Have you ever fucked a Mudblood in the arse at the stroke of midnight while wearing a pink fez?" She then burst out laughing, something which she wouldn't stop doing for at least ten minutes.

The question took everybody by surprise. Snape grinned, glad that the question was not as serious as he feared, and replied, "I've never worn a pink fez."

"Lucius," he said next. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

Severus leaned in close to Lucius. This dare could not be overheard by the others, lest it go wrong. "Steal Bella's knickers and wear them on your head," Snape instructed. "Also, don't die in the process."

Lucius gulped, this impossible task put forth to him. He would have to make an attempt at some point. He looked to the Dark Lord. "Truth or dare, Master?"

"I'll indulge in a dare."

"Make a Time Turner. What better way to prove your greatness?"

Lord Voldemort's eyes flashed red as he withdrew his wand, weaving the spell. In time, there materialised a gilded hourglass set on a platinum chain. There were strange markings on the hourglass; ones that even Snape could not have inferred the meaning of sober.

"There. I did you one better, and made a Time Turner that can travel by years rather than hours," Voldemort said ominously before tossing it aside. Narcissa caught it and looked at it, captivated.

"Truth or dare, Mrs. Malfoy," he then said, eyeing her fiercely.

"D-dare."

"Take someone back in time with you tonight."

Her eyes widened in fear, and she looked to her husband for some sense of support. However, he seemed to have disappeared on her. Bella was nearly out cold, and Snape merely had an eyebrow arched in what could be described as amusement.

She grabbed a hold of one of the folds of Snape's cloak, and placed her thumb on the hourglass, nervously looking around. No one seemed to notice, however, as Lucius emerged into view, Bella's knickers placed soundly on his head, a black and lacy proclamation that he had succeeded. Narcissa gasped and clenched her fist, causing the hourglass to turn. She and Severus disappeared.

They arrived near a sign reading "Mould-on-the-Wold" and immediately panicked. "How far did you send us back?"

"I don't know!"

"There's probably no way to send us back. We'll have to make the best of it, it seems," Snape mused. "At least we don't have to deal with _them_ any longer."

* * *

"You know, Albus, it took me a long time to appreciate your making me go to that party. It became a simple thing to pose as the son of a forgotten pureblood line and for Narcissa to pretend to be half-blood. That was the easy part.

"And then there were the children. My dear son, I'm quite sure it is shocking to look at young Mr. Malfoy and see that you are his younger brother," Snape drawled, the lines in his old face very apparent. "Indeed, it must be even more disconcerting to realise that the sole purpose of this party was to create your own parents. I'm not sure whether to applaud the effort or not.

"And now you expect me to renew my work for you, now that I have caught up to the present. I figured out escaping Azkaban back in the nineteenth century, son. You see me as a valuable ally. Give me a de-aging draught and I'll continue on with this. We'll also do one for Narcissa. I had to fake her death to make things work from what I had been able to figure out about you. Then we can bring her back to your brother and things can proceed as if this never happened."


End file.
